Healing Trauma - Everything else may be just a bandaid

One of many of my important discoveries has been that I can heal from Trauma. As I read Peter A. Levine's book "Waking the Tiger", I learned that Trauma is the root of my illness and always has been. At one point in my healing process I realized with the guidance of my counselor that I was receiving secondary gains by holding onto my illness. I never understood what "secondary gains" meant until I finally got it. I was getting the love and attention I needed by subjecting myself to a lot of pain and misery. Logically I couldn't believe how stupid that sounded. Go through misery to get love. Why not heal and get the love I want by asking for it in a way that would prove fruitful.

Reading the healing stories of those who had undergone Somatic Experiencing filled me with hope that I could heal too. I realized that my panic attacks in the car were just my bodies way of trying to relive the trauma so I could finish the healing process. Animals are rarely traumatized. They fight, flight or freeze. When they fight or flight and are safe the rush of adrenaline calms them down and makes them feel energized, good, and at peace. When they freeze, if the animal gets into a safe position it allows itself to continue the same process until it feels energized and calm. We can experience similar experiences when we have a brush with death. I remember getting out of a near car accident and after the danger had passed I felt that energetic rush and then the calm. This is how you know you are not traumatized. Your instinctual brain is allowed to flow freely just like that of an animal.

Now has humans, since we have a logic brain, we tend to override the instinctual brain with logic and when we freeze, which is very common, we hold onto the trauma and it continues to play out in our lives over again until we are able to let it go and move through it.

When a Tiger chases an animal at 50 mph and that animal freezes to protect itself. That animal's energy is still going 50 mph. When it is safe for the animal to get up and shakes and runs off the energy it can then be free of trauma.

When we go through a traumatic experience such as a car accident, fall, surgery etc. our bodies are giving off energy in the form of adrenaline and maybe even emotion. That energy keeps on flowing until we finish our run. This energy shows up as unexplained anxiety or panic attacks, agoraphobia, illness etc.

I loved the story in Peter's book about a lady who had a major panic attack in his office while in therapy. He took her through a somatic experience where her legs began to involuntarily move while running from imaginary danger. She shook and experience uncomfortable sensations and finally felt the exhilaration of release and calm. She never had another panic attack again. This gave me hope that I could heal from my panic attacks in the car and that I could regain my health.

I realized at that point that every thing I was doing; from breathing and relaxation exercises, as well as proper nutrition, avoidance of environmental toxins, and everything else would aid in my bodies healing. But if I didn't get to the root, I would continue to get back out of balance. I would be reliant on internal and external resources to keep me from falling apart again.

My perspective has changed dramatically since I read "Waking the Tiger". Healing my trauma is the most important thing I could do and everything else is just a tool in healing the negative physical effects trauma has had on me. How I deal with trauma in the future is how I will stay healthy. I'm grateful to my counselor for recommending this book and being able to help me with Somatic experiencing. It's been working great!