Healing Trauma - Everything else may be just a bandaid

One of many of my important discoveries has been that I can heal from Trauma. As I read Peter A. Levine's book "Waking the Tiger", I learned that Trauma is the root of my illness and always has been. At one point in my healing process I realized with the guidance of my counselor that I was receiving secondary gains by holding onto my illness. I never understood what "secondary gains" meant until I finally got it. I was getting the love and attention I needed by subjecting myself to a lot of pain and misery. Logically I couldn't believe how stupid that sounded. Go through misery to get love. Why not heal and get the love I want by asking for it in a way that would prove fruitful.

Reading the healing stories of those who had undergone Somatic Experiencing filled me with hope that I could heal too. I realized that my panic attacks in the car were just my bodies way of trying to relive the trauma so I could finish the healing process. Animals are rarely traumatized. They fight, flight or freeze. When they fight or flight and are safe the rush of adrenaline calms them down and makes them feel energized, good, and at peace. When they freeze, if the animal gets into a safe position it allows itself to continue the same process until it feels energized and calm. We can experience similar experiences when we have a brush with death. I remember getting out of a near car accident and after the danger had passed I felt that energetic rush and then the calm. This is how you know you are not traumatized. Your instinctual brain is allowed to flow freely just like that of an animal.

Now has humans, since we have a logic brain, we tend to override the instinctual brain with logic and when we freeze, which is very common, we hold onto the trauma and it continues to play out in our lives over again until we are able to let it go and move through it.

When a Tiger chases an animal at 50 mph and that animal freezes to protect itself. That animal's energy is still going 50 mph. When it is safe for the animal to get up and shakes and runs off the energy it can then be free of trauma.

When we go through a traumatic experience such as a car accident, fall, surgery etc. our bodies are giving off energy in the form of adrenaline and maybe even emotion. That energy keeps on flowing until we finish our run. This energy shows up as unexplained anxiety or panic attacks, agoraphobia, illness etc.

I loved the story in Peter's book about a lady who had a major panic attack in his office while in therapy. He took her through a somatic experience where her legs began to involuntarily move while running from imaginary danger. She shook and experience uncomfortable sensations and finally felt the exhilaration of release and calm. She never had another panic attack again. This gave me hope that I could heal from my panic attacks in the car and that I could regain my health.

I realized at that point that every thing I was doing; from breathing and relaxation exercises, as well as proper nutrition, avoidance of environmental toxins, and everything else would aid in my bodies healing. But if I didn't get to the root, I would continue to get back out of balance. I would be reliant on internal and external resources to keep me from falling apart again.

My perspective has changed dramatically since I read "Waking the Tiger". Healing my trauma is the most important thing I could do and everything else is just a tool in healing the negative physical effects trauma has had on me. How I deal with trauma in the future is how I will stay healthy. I'm grateful to my counselor for recommending this book and being able to help me with Somatic experiencing. It's been working great!

More on Point of Return a discovery well worth every cent!

Trying to find ways to taper off my Ativan and go onto an anti-depressant was the goal my Doctor and I had set. But this was very difficult. The first taper was unbearable...by day four I was having constant severe panic attacks and was trembling, had lost my appetite and was exhibiting all the symptoms I had had that led me to the hospital in the first place. I felt a pressure in my head and like I was going to lose control of my body. I immediately went back onto my full dose of Ativan again. I tried Zoloft but only on a 12.5 ml dose a day because my Dr. and I realized I was highly sensitive to any change. This was to raise the Serotonin levels in my brain in order to withdraw from my Ativan with less withdrawals. However...I was aggressive one moment and emotionally depressed and crying the next. When I hit the suicidal stage I was taken off of it immediately. My next option was Prozac. He said we could keep trying different meds until we found one that worked for me. This meant, you will suffer until you find one that works for you. I opted for the option of going up on my Trileptal and then down on my Ativan. Since going up on the Trileptal caused withdrawal symptoms I realized my options of going up or down and getting off were slim to none. After one more miserable try of withdrawing from the Ativan I gave up. In desperation I pleaded for God to help me find a solution to my problem. After this prayer I felt like I should go online and search under Ativan withdrawals. This same day I found Point of Return. I cried for joy knowing I had found the answer to my prayer. I felt hope for the first time since I started my meds.

I started my Point of Return program at the end of May 2009. After a two week adjustment period I began to feel energy flow back into my body. Since I had reached a tolerance level and did not want to go up on my Ativan I had felt weak and more anxious. With POR I could do more and felt like it was making up for the difference that my medications could not (unless I went up). I enjoyed a greater freedom from agoraphobia and could drive more freely and more often at greater distances.

What is Point of Return? It is four whole food supplements that gives your body what it needs most. 1) Glutithion is the body's #1 needed antioxidant and it feeds every part of the brain and body. My body was highly depleted of this wonderful food that helps my body detoxify and re balance my brain chemistry. It SUPPORTS my body and helps my immune system 2) fish oil; highly concentrated and of the purist form, another necessary brain food that helps my MOOD 3) Melatonin made from tart cherries which stimulates natural melatonin and serotonin production. This helps me to SLEEP better. 4) RELAX is a food that helps me to relax and does not interfere with my Ativan. I can take it as much as I need to relax and help me to sleep. None of these supplements interfere with my medications and they give me the support I need to balance out so my body can heal itself.

Things I have noticed since I started taking this;
More energy
Weight loss
Less Anxiety
Heart is calm and regulated
Streanth
Better sleep
No painful withdrawals from Ativan taper

Week one of Ativan Taper:
The first two days I needed to go up on some products to make my taper more comfortable. The POR staff helped me to make the necessary adjustments. This week I chalked it up as a learning experience that was positive. I'm withdrawing 5% per week with the help of a compounding pharmacy and am amazed at how well I feel. I have hit a few minor snags that like I said were taken care of by a kind and loving support group at POR. I love their motto, if you are feeling bad then you are doing something wrong! I think in regards to illness this can be said Universally...when we get sick it's our bodies way of telling us, you are doing something wrong here it's time to make some changes. With point of return, it's add this, tweak that and vwala RELIEF!!!!!!!! I love it! I feel like I've discovered a Gold Mine but I don't want to keep it a secret! Until next week!

My Fourth discovery....The "Anxiety and Phobia Workbook"

My fourth major discovery was the "Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" The 4th edition. This was more of a rediscovery. A friend of mine who was a counselor, social worker and professor suggested I read the book. I had bought it but was so anxious I couldn't calm down to relax. I found the book helpful in understanding my panic attacks but I needed physiological and medical help to be able to apply the exercises. I was too wound up and not open to taking any medications. The edition I had didn't have the natural suggestions, However, I had tried 5-htp, Gabba and Seredyn but they caused me more problems than helped. My medical doctor recommended it and suggested that I deal with my "tigers: and I would heal. I love this workbook because it covers so many aspects of anxiety. It confirmed my other and gave me so many helpful exercises that have helped my meds to work better and for me to make some exciting changes and discoveries. I was on my meds for a year without having to go up. I give this workbook alot of credit for this. I work in it everyday and feel so supported and hopeful that I can and will heal. The author and psychologist Edmun J. Bourne, PH.D, himself recovered from a similar illness. It's so nice to have the perspective of a professional, in the Field of anxiety and stress, that has trodden a path to healing for those of us to follow. He explains brain function and how panic and anxiety works, he teaches how to breath and relax, cope with panic and overcome panic and phobias, Overcome negative self-talk and mistaken beliefs. He addresses self-esteem and ways to nurture yourself, live your dreams and be more connected spiritually. He also covers issues on nutrition, Prescription meds and natural alternatives, and Anxiety triggering health conditions such as PMS, Andrenal Exhaustion, Thyroid, Candidas, Allergies, Hypoglycemia etc. Having this resource has aided me in my slow 5% tapering process from my Ativan. I've been more relaxed and rested. I'm dealing with the underlining reasons for my anxiety and illness which takes off so much stress from my body. This book has been a must have and has sped up my healing light years.

My third discovery....if I had it to do over I would have...

My third discovery was prescription medications and that I did not like them. However, it was the best discovery for the crises I was in. Failure to thrive, severe chemical and hormonal imbalance and adrenal exhaustion. The meds would control my hyper-anxiety and panic. When taking the ativan I could eat what ever I wanted with exception of sugar, chocolate, white flour, and dairy. It was so nice to be able to eat carrots, eggs, chicken, and so many other foods I had been without for so long. I found that with a healthy variety of nutrition, my meds were more effective. So what of food allergies? When my brain chemistry was balanced there were no allergies or they were being covered up by the meds? It still is a mystery and a question lurking in the back of my mind waiting to be answered. I took my trileptal for to stabilize my mood and my marriage began to heal. My husband had a new stable job and our finances were tight but stable. I found support from my new Church family and I began to adjust to my new home. I found a kind expressive therapist who helped me more in one session than in my 12 years if counseling combined. I found that if I rested enough, got good sleep, and paced myself I could do the morning dishes and one load of laundry and then take a long break. I could make dinner and spend time with the family. I could drive further and further and around town with ease. I began to get my life back. I did have a lot of ups and downs with various Dr and med changes. I finally leveled out but still could physically do so little. I could not make commitments of any sort because of the pressure and stress it would bring me. I had to learn how to slow down, relax and give quiet service which helped a lot. Days I would overload myself, I would relapse and it would take several down days to regain my strength and level out. I began doing Tia Chi for 10 minutes and worked my way up to 20 to 30 minutes a day over a months time. This was the only exercise I could do without stressing my body out. Anything else was way too strenuous and would make me sick for days. My conclusion was that I had a sever chemical imbalance caused from a multitude of things ranging from childhood trauma, post traumatic stress, unmet needs, poor nutrition, negative thinking, lack of exercise, and the molds and chemicals, With financial and marriage stress added to the picture these were just the finals straws that sent my body into a downward spiral and it couldn't take anymore. If I had it to do over I would have skipped the meds and gone straight to Point of Return. The meds caused a lot of emotional pain and were highly unpredictable. I was reliant on them. That in and of itself was very scary. But now that I've had this horrendous experience I can warn others first hand....This is not a place you want to go and there are other options. I understand that medications are important and have helped alot of people including me at a very critical time. I am grateful to the caring and helpful Medical Doctors who have led me through my healing process. They were there when I needed immediate critical help.

I've had a lot of emotional pain over the course of my life but nothing holds a candle to the pain I experienced in one moment of side effects and terrible withdraws from the medications. Point of return (whole food supplements I'm on now) would have enabled my body to heal and balance itself without having to go through a medication and tapering withdrawal process. I would have saved myself a lot of pain,time and money if I had done this before I hit my crises. Prevention is the key here. But sometimes it takes a major crises to help us and our loved ones wake up and take action. Instead I'm in here for the long haul and will be off my meds in about a year. For more information on Point of Return visit: wwwpointofreturn.com