In the introduction to Dr. Tom Cowan’s book, The Fourfold Path to Healing, written with co-authors Sally Fallon and Jaimen McMillan, Dr. Cowan points out that some patients heal and some don't even with the same treatment and care. He treated 10 women with female issues and all healed but three. The three eventually healed when they resolved their relationship issues or divorced. I can relate to this story. I tried everything under the sun to heal and finally am feeling better after I got divorced. When my ex-husband's negative energy left my space, I felt a lot of relief.
My mom became ill at 30 because of all the relationship trauma she had experienced throughout her life. I remember her telling me her doctor said it was an emotional illness caused by childhood neglect and verbal abuse from my dad. I repeated her mistake but am fixing it much sooner than she did thank goodness! I hope this helps those suffering to take a closer look at their relationships and get the help they need before it's too late. I waited way too long.
But there is more to it than just trauma. Self betrayal was also a factor. Putting myself in a position to deny my true authenticity killed my soul. Allowing myself to be in a marriage I didn't feel right about in the first place put me on a path of anxiety that led to further health problems. It can also be said that allowing oneself to remain in an unhealthy situation even if it was once authentic is one in the same. Putting oneself in a position to get your heart broken regularly is also self betrayal. Why did I choose to be in a relationship where I didn't feel authentic? Is was safe or so I thought. Why did cutting myself off from love feel safe? Because it was what I grew up with. It's what was familiar. I was terribly scared of men so when I became friends with a man who asked me to marry him I did not feel vulnerable and that was safer for me. We did not have any connection but a religious one. With no emotional connection or physical attraction, I was free to remain numb. Pushing away suitors I was actually interested in and felt right about was common place because I could not handle the feelings associated with my attraction for them. I felt the rejection would be too deep for me to handle so I would generally run the other direction even though they would be chasing. They would eventually give up to my disappointment, my heart would break and I would start the cycle over. I had rebounded onto my husband to be after one of these heart breaks and felt a safe friendship but I was not being true to my heart. Something just never felt right. There were too many differences and the lack of love, genuine compatibility and attraction stifled the friendship before the marriage even started. Having felt pressured to marry by him and our families I said I do with a heart full of doubt and anxiety. The relationship spiraled downward from there and my health with it.
In Linda Goodman's “Star Signs” She says “How many engineers dream of being physicians, and how many doctors dreams of being engineers? How many Scientists dream of being musicians? There are millions upon millions of men and women who are discontented, depressed, and unhappy square pegs in round holes. Whose talents, abilities and daydreams (in reality, the wise urgings of the higher self) are sadly mismatched with the way they earn their daily bread. It's a tragic waste of human happiness and joy, which are the birthright of every individual on earth.” The same goes for relationships. How many mismatched and misguided couples are out there suffering through there marriage when there is true joy to be found in true authenticity.
.
A counselor helped me discover that I was looking for meaning in my marriage. There was no meaning because we could not connect except for when it came to religion. I was so focused on my religious doctrines that I overlooked all the other important ones. I have come to realize how important it is to be not only spiritually attracted but also physically, emotionally and mentally as well. I was denying parts of my true self by putting myself in a place where there lacked true validation and oneness in these areas. Where there was a lacking in these areas, my husband decided to exercise control over me. He pushed on me his ideas of what he wanted me to be. I'm sure it went both ways. Each with unrealistic expectations of the other. What I discovered later that these expectations were not wrong for us to have they were just wrong for us to have them for each other. Our marriage counselor helped us to see this clearly right before the divorce and it has helped me be more aware that it's important to find a mate that meets or exceeds those expectations already. It's never fair to anyone to expect them to change for you. In “Emotional Sobriety” by Tian Dayton (www.tiandayton.com), he talks about how if a relationship feels good and you feel good endorphins you move towards that for a reason because it feels right. But if you feel bad around someone it is a sign to stay away. This described my marriage perfectly. I felt terrible emotionally and physically when I was married to him.
As I read Co-dependents no more by Melody Beattie (www.melodybeatie.com). I was reminded that I must become whole myself before entering another relationship. It is not those feelings that are wrong, it is allowing those feelings to lead me into a situation that is not healthy for me that is wrong. I was pretty excited to learn that I was already doing a lot of the self care. For me the biggest thing was getting untangled in the enmeshment with my ex-husband. After the divorce my freedom was natural and healing. In my case, I was just with the wrong relationship.
Tian Dayton says that our brain needs certain endorphins and opiates “natures drugs” to sustain us. I used to think this was a sign of co-dependency and weakness to except that kind of love but when I read this I allowed this belief to shift. It was the only way I could actually heal. Allowing myself to except the love around me and find hope again literally began to heal my brain. I noticed a profound difference once I was divorced. I not only eliminated the lack of love but was able to except the love God wanted to bless me with in return. Love for myself and the love of others God brought into my life. I was no longer trapped and this allowed me to finally love myself which was the greatest love of all. So truly I have concluded that love is truely the answer.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
The effects of Generational Nutritional Degeneration and Glutithione deficiency on Society and Families
Anger issues used to plague me and my family. It was such a mystery to me. Why was it so easy to just fly off the handle and even the smallest things? My dad, my grandpas, friends, strangers around me. Like a detective I have set out to find the answer starting my quest as a young adult searching through every self help book I might think helpful. Attending therapy and 12 programs, I relived, rehashed worked through, pounded out, let it go, relaxed through my childhood trauma and felt a little better but still didn't quite feel liberated from this enemy that had been with me since birth. With still no answers and prayer after prayer pleading for mental relief for my physical and mental anxieties, still no relief. I know the Lord was patiently waiting to let me figure things out on my own.
In 2006 my anxiety got so bad I could not breath. I landed in the hospital because it was beyond what I could handle. This was just the experience I need ed to help me find the missing path I had been looking for on my journey. Unable to find relief from my medications I turned to God in agony for relief from this monster that had over run my life. I immediately felt like I should go to the computer and search for answers.
I stumbled upon Point of Return which I wrote about in a previous post. For more details please visit http://www.pointofreturn.com/. I knew this was inspired. After two weeks on the supplements I began to calm down. Even though the medication seemed to cause aggression especially around my menstrual cycle and payday this led me to discover some physical and emotional vulnerabilities I needed to work through and be aware of. Once I figured out I had a major financial trigger with my husband at the time, I was able to keep calm around pay day. And even more so since my divorce, I have been a lot calmer about finances since I am no longer feeling controlled by him. Once my body had what it needed and I was able to set reasonable boundaries. I was able to keep calm.
So I have since discovered that there are two key components to anger issues: Glutithione deficiency and unresolved childhood trauma. Together they make quite a lethal combination.
So why is Glutithione so important?
Glutithione is a protein high in anti-oxidents that our bodies need to counter the free radicals in our bodies so we can generate new cells. Once our body runs out we must replenish the source. I believe our grandparents had a greater source of it then we do now and our children have even less. Why is this? I think there are multiple reasons for this. Not only do we have greater pollutents & chemicals in our environment, but our diets no longer consist of live food or raw meat and other animal products such as raw dairy. So there is greater strain on the body and less glutithione being put into the body. Plant sources of anti-oxidants actually cause more anxiety because they stimulate the adrenals so we really need them but we are unable to assimilate them properly and cause more anxiety. Glutithione helps all the other anti-oxidents work in harmony. http://www.pointofreturn.com/glutathione.html We also eat less fat or the wrong kind of fats that not only make it hard for the body to assimilate these anti-oxidants but without enough fat to break the fall, these powerful anti-oxidents can over stimulate our system and send us into a rampant detox thus causing the anxiety.
In an article at rawmilkfacts.com it states that milk pasteurization machines came online in the mid-1890s. Ultra-pasteurization started in 1948.”the ultimate goal in heat treating milk is the destruction of pathogenic or disease causing microbes...numerous studies have shown however that bad bugs are not the only thing destroyed by the heat: delicate proteins, enzymes, immune factors, hormones, vitamins, mineral availability – all undergo definite changes during the heating process.” So we are not assimilating those delicate proteins and other important nutrients and we certainly are not passing them onto our posterity. Without this and other healthy pro-biotic food our gut linings are left to deteriorate causing allergies and the inability to assimilate other vital nutrients. Now I am observing babies with their own oxygen tanks, children with growth and mental disorders, autoimmune disorders where the body tries find ways to nourish itself with nutrients within itself.
I have observed that protein in general slows down the adrenals and calms down my anxiety. My protein and Glutithione reserves are so depleted that I am at a point that without the Glutithone all other foods stimulate my adrenals so much that the fight and flight response overwhelmed my system. I believe ample protein is needed for our fight and flight response to work properly. Without it my brain feels raw like sandpaper grinding together.
Gluthione is also high in Vitamin B12. Also known as the “Happy” vitamin. This also comes from raw animal products as the vegetable version of B12 is hard to assimilate according to Sally Fallon's “Nourishing Traditions”
So generation after generation pasteurized milk, which is highly undigestable, has been at the helm of this depletion. The key is going back to drinking raw milk. However there are consequences for this generational practice. It is not easy for any of us to go back to drinking it. Our digestive systems cannot tolerate it. The process in which the glutithinone is made allows the milk to be cold processed and highly concentrated without certain un-digestable proteins and fats included, making it digestible for even the most sensitive such as myself. This process allows this undenatured whey protein to bypass the digestive system, a modern miracle indeed. This allows the muscles and organs to use it immediately and calm down the system.
I have not only been free of anxiety and agitation but I've also been able to think clearer, be calm and my stomach knots are gone. In isolated situations where the stress is beyond what I can handle, the RELAX which is concentrated milk decapitide (protein) calms down my system. A highly effective anti-anxiety natural remedy that I don't think any hospital or ambulance should be without. I look at my family history and have a whole new outlook on my father and grandfathers aggressive behaviors.
Then there is hormone imbalance. Hormones added to our meat and milk causing excess which I have observed causes aggression followed by burn out. High sex drive, aggression and then low to no sex drive, depression. I am speaking from personal experience. According to Sally Fallen, Hormones consist of iodine, healthy fats and animal protien. Refined (heated) vegetable oils block hormone production and are one of the leading causes of autoimmune disorders. Since proteins and all other foods are only assimilated with fat it is my theory refined vegetable depletes natural fats from our system the body must go to other sources for it's nutritional supply, itself.
Another factor involved is depleted foods such as refined salt, sugar, flours, refined oils, rice etc that overwhelm the system . I believe that minerals slow down the digestion process. The refining of these foods stimulates the adrenals and cause the Sodium and Gaba receptors to work overtime. This causes anxiety, bi-polar and other mental disorders. I noticed when my sodium was too high that I was more aggressive and would have panic attacks. My adrenals were on overdrive and it put a strain on my protein & fat reserves. According to Sally Fallon Sugar leaches the body of calcium and other vital nutrients. She also refers to all improperly prepared grains as anti-nutrients which does this as well. They are high in phytic acid, natures preservative, which is neutralized during the sprouting or fermenting process. The phytic acid binds with vitamins and minerals and pulls them out of our system.
So with all these odds against us, no wonder we are so stressed all of the time. The only solution to this process is resupplying our bodies of these vital nutrients. The Glutithione is key to our healing process as a society. I have also found Standard Process to be a helpful inexpensive source for animal based whole food supplements. Restoring our organs with vital organ meats and supplements as well as a diet rich in undenatured, properly processed and prepared foods. It's time to rise up as a nation and claim our rich agricultural heritage in order to save our posterity which is one generation shy of no longer existing. I see a time of healing and hope for those trapped in the clutches of anxiety, illness and neurological disorders. Our pain will move us as a country and our ancestors will be our guiding light. There is always something that can be done to bring the needed change. I foresee food manufacturing working for our good as we raise our voices for change. I see small changes already occurring as I have browsed the grocery store shelves.
I know that without my pain I would not have made the changes I have needed to make. I envy Dr. Cowan and Sally Fallon who have chosen to learn from the mistakes of others and live free of health problems. Who selflessly take the time to re-educate our society. I am in gratitude to God for inspiring Point of Returns Glutithione which gives us hope for the future.
In 2006 my anxiety got so bad I could not breath. I landed in the hospital because it was beyond what I could handle. This was just the experience I need ed to help me find the missing path I had been looking for on my journey. Unable to find relief from my medications I turned to God in agony for relief from this monster that had over run my life. I immediately felt like I should go to the computer and search for answers.
I stumbled upon Point of Return which I wrote about in a previous post. For more details please visit http://www.pointofreturn.com/. I knew this was inspired. After two weeks on the supplements I began to calm down. Even though the medication seemed to cause aggression especially around my menstrual cycle and payday this led me to discover some physical and emotional vulnerabilities I needed to work through and be aware of. Once I figured out I had a major financial trigger with my husband at the time, I was able to keep calm around pay day. And even more so since my divorce, I have been a lot calmer about finances since I am no longer feeling controlled by him. Once my body had what it needed and I was able to set reasonable boundaries. I was able to keep calm.
So I have since discovered that there are two key components to anger issues: Glutithione deficiency and unresolved childhood trauma. Together they make quite a lethal combination.
So why is Glutithione so important?
Glutithione is a protein high in anti-oxidents that our bodies need to counter the free radicals in our bodies so we can generate new cells. Once our body runs out we must replenish the source. I believe our grandparents had a greater source of it then we do now and our children have even less. Why is this? I think there are multiple reasons for this. Not only do we have greater pollutents & chemicals in our environment, but our diets no longer consist of live food or raw meat and other animal products such as raw dairy. So there is greater strain on the body and less glutithione being put into the body. Plant sources of anti-oxidants actually cause more anxiety because they stimulate the adrenals so we really need them but we are unable to assimilate them properly and cause more anxiety. Glutithione helps all the other anti-oxidents work in harmony. http://www.pointofreturn.com/glutathione.html We also eat less fat or the wrong kind of fats that not only make it hard for the body to assimilate these anti-oxidants but without enough fat to break the fall, these powerful anti-oxidents can over stimulate our system and send us into a rampant detox thus causing the anxiety.
In an article at rawmilkfacts.com it states that milk pasteurization machines came online in the mid-1890s. Ultra-pasteurization started in 1948.”the ultimate goal in heat treating milk is the destruction of pathogenic or disease causing microbes...numerous studies have shown however that bad bugs are not the only thing destroyed by the heat: delicate proteins, enzymes, immune factors, hormones, vitamins, mineral availability – all undergo definite changes during the heating process.” So we are not assimilating those delicate proteins and other important nutrients and we certainly are not passing them onto our posterity. Without this and other healthy pro-biotic food our gut linings are left to deteriorate causing allergies and the inability to assimilate other vital nutrients. Now I am observing babies with their own oxygen tanks, children with growth and mental disorders, autoimmune disorders where the body tries find ways to nourish itself with nutrients within itself.
I have observed that protein in general slows down the adrenals and calms down my anxiety. My protein and Glutithione reserves are so depleted that I am at a point that without the Glutithone all other foods stimulate my adrenals so much that the fight and flight response overwhelmed my system. I believe ample protein is needed for our fight and flight response to work properly. Without it my brain feels raw like sandpaper grinding together.
Gluthione is also high in Vitamin B12. Also known as the “Happy” vitamin. This also comes from raw animal products as the vegetable version of B12 is hard to assimilate according to Sally Fallon's “Nourishing Traditions”
So generation after generation pasteurized milk, which is highly undigestable, has been at the helm of this depletion. The key is going back to drinking raw milk. However there are consequences for this generational practice. It is not easy for any of us to go back to drinking it. Our digestive systems cannot tolerate it. The process in which the glutithinone is made allows the milk to be cold processed and highly concentrated without certain un-digestable proteins and fats included, making it digestible for even the most sensitive such as myself. This process allows this undenatured whey protein to bypass the digestive system, a modern miracle indeed. This allows the muscles and organs to use it immediately and calm down the system.
I have not only been free of anxiety and agitation but I've also been able to think clearer, be calm and my stomach knots are gone. In isolated situations where the stress is beyond what I can handle, the RELAX which is concentrated milk decapitide (protein) calms down my system. A highly effective anti-anxiety natural remedy that I don't think any hospital or ambulance should be without. I look at my family history and have a whole new outlook on my father and grandfathers aggressive behaviors.
Then there is hormone imbalance. Hormones added to our meat and milk causing excess which I have observed causes aggression followed by burn out. High sex drive, aggression and then low to no sex drive, depression. I am speaking from personal experience. According to Sally Fallen, Hormones consist of iodine, healthy fats and animal protien. Refined (heated) vegetable oils block hormone production and are one of the leading causes of autoimmune disorders. Since proteins and all other foods are only assimilated with fat it is my theory refined vegetable depletes natural fats from our system the body must go to other sources for it's nutritional supply, itself.
Another factor involved is depleted foods such as refined salt, sugar, flours, refined oils, rice etc that overwhelm the system . I believe that minerals slow down the digestion process. The refining of these foods stimulates the adrenals and cause the Sodium and Gaba receptors to work overtime. This causes anxiety, bi-polar and other mental disorders. I noticed when my sodium was too high that I was more aggressive and would have panic attacks. My adrenals were on overdrive and it put a strain on my protein & fat reserves. According to Sally Fallon Sugar leaches the body of calcium and other vital nutrients. She also refers to all improperly prepared grains as anti-nutrients which does this as well. They are high in phytic acid, natures preservative, which is neutralized during the sprouting or fermenting process. The phytic acid binds with vitamins and minerals and pulls them out of our system.
So with all these odds against us, no wonder we are so stressed all of the time. The only solution to this process is resupplying our bodies of these vital nutrients. The Glutithione is key to our healing process as a society. I have also found Standard Process to be a helpful inexpensive source for animal based whole food supplements. Restoring our organs with vital organ meats and supplements as well as a diet rich in undenatured, properly processed and prepared foods. It's time to rise up as a nation and claim our rich agricultural heritage in order to save our posterity which is one generation shy of no longer existing. I see a time of healing and hope for those trapped in the clutches of anxiety, illness and neurological disorders. Our pain will move us as a country and our ancestors will be our guiding light. There is always something that can be done to bring the needed change. I foresee food manufacturing working for our good as we raise our voices for change. I see small changes already occurring as I have browsed the grocery store shelves.
I know that without my pain I would not have made the changes I have needed to make. I envy Dr. Cowan and Sally Fallon who have chosen to learn from the mistakes of others and live free of health problems. Who selflessly take the time to re-educate our society. I am in gratitude to God for inspiring Point of Returns Glutithione which gives us hope for the future.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Healing Emotional Trauma
As certain emotional issues have come up in my withdrawal process from prescription medications, I have wondered how best to deal with them.
A moderator for Point of Return, had mentioned at one point that we are not to delve into our emotional issues while in withdrawal but what if the issue is triggering you at the present time?
I've thought a lot about this since my underlying issues were caused from emotional trauma. I was constantly dealing with emotional interaction items which put additional stress on me and affected my drug taper.
I want to share some of the things I've learned about dealing with these issues. However I do want to reiterate what the moderator said about how it is best dealing with our emotional trauma after withdrawal if you can help it. I am only referring to emotional triggers that come up during withdrawal and how to better cope with them.
1. See the emotional interaction item for what it truly is.
When I was in marriage counseling I learned that we generally are attracted to people that will trigger us. “The Boundary Book” by by Leslie Frewin. It's natures way of helping us deal with our childhood issues. And who says God doesn't have a sense of humor LOL! So when we see our interaction item has a learning opportunity instead of fearing it and letting it overcome us (sending us for that bottle of relax) then we can take the time to understand it and heal from it instead of letting it control us & overtake us.
2. Write about it and talk with others
As I was able to write about it and talk through the issue I was able to see my emotional interaction item for what it truly was. I have always been able to trace my trigger back to a childhood event or situation. When I am able to recognize where it is coming from it loses it's power over me. So instead of being reactive I can be assertive. I can choose to see and do things differently because my understanding has changed. Ask yourself why am I feeling this way? Where is it coming from? What can I do now? How can I better deal with it when it comes up again? How can I protect myself and still love those involved?
3. Get the help and support you need
Once you recognize your emotional interaction item and where it is coming from you can gently communicate your concern and need to those around you. You may need a third party to help with this one. A counselor can offer a lot of insight, support and protection. This is especially helpful if the person that is triggering is not respecting you or your boundaries. A friend or family member that can offer a listening ear can also be helpful.
4. Have compassion towards those triggering us
When we see that the other person who has triggered us may be hurting as bad or worse than us, it changes how we deal with the situation. Understanding that they are not triggering us on purpose can be very liberating. Sometimes they are just reacting to their own childhood trauma or our re-activeness. Stepping back as a third party observer instead of being a second party participator will stop the cycle. We can then choose to love instead of react.
5. Go into it with a different perspective.
Have a sense of gratitude that we are able to have the opportunity to work through these issues.
If we were to go into every relationship with this new perspective, I think of how much pain would be eliminated. Communicating, understanding and respecting each others triggers with an understanding on how to better ease each others triggers rather than perpetuating them would make life a lot happier for everyone. So next time an emotional interaction item pops up in your face and you feel the anxiety coming on remind yourself that this is an opportunity to learn and grow and move past it. I kept going through the same situations over and over again and also had to keep dealing with the pain. Once I finally wrote about it and worked through it I could finally eliminate it. My kids triggered me this week ( I think God puts us in families so we have to get past these issues ha ha....I'm sure He's up there with a big bag of popcorn getting a kick out of us LOL!) and it really made me stop and have to deal with it. I wrote about it and wouldn't you know I was able to trace it back to my childhood. I called my mom and after talking to her I made a plan on how I was going to handle things differently since my love and logic tactics had failed me. I've noticed that once I work through an emotional interaction item or trigger I am able to cope so much better the next time it comes up. I come into the situation with knowledge and power over it instead of letting it have power over me.
I'm sure I have a long ways to go but at least I'm on the path heading in the right direction. I feel a lot more at peace and have far less interaction items coming up since I've been able to work past so many of them. My thinking is that if these things are staring us in the face we might as well deal with them instead of hurt from them. And let us resolve to let these opportunities heal us instead of take away our healing.
Happy healing everyone!!!
Following are some of the edited questions and answers. I could not copy all responses to due to confidentiality.
Does this mean that these people who trigger us are not people who we are truly meant to be in a relationship with, rather than people who we will be attracted to continuously (and erroneously) until we "learn our lesson"?
Wow! That is a great question. I think it depends on the circumstances. I think it could go either way. I believe anything can be worked out as long as there is lots of love & respect in the relationship. Sometimes people can find themselves in an unhealthy situation & its better to end it. I think its most important to always stay authentic & be true to your heart. Further more. I think as we become more aware of what is going on we can always make better choices whether it be a new relationship or an old one.
Right now my trigger is my mother-in-law. Any ideas on how to deal with that?
Well I moved 5 hrs from mine & it worked like a charm LOL! My ex mother-in-law was very controlling so I understand how hard it must be to be around the drama. I know I would not have been able to handle her during withdrawal. I had a few issues when she came into town...meltdowns but other than that I've been fine. There are certain topics I just don't go there with her.. I try to focus on what's going on with her & the family & steer the conversation to the positive. Its best to avoid those soft spots if at all possible. My friend had a meltdown the other day & was being irrational. She said somethings I could've really taken personally but I knew it had nothing to do with me. She was tired, and had just been traumatized by a friend. I knew she had just been triggered & needed to vent. In the past I would've really taken it to heart. So I completely detached myself emotionally from the situation, let her have her little fit, offered support and let it go. If I had been reactive it probably would've destroyed our friendship. But the next morning there was peace between us I would suggest praying for her & for the inspiration to know what to do to offer love and support in the way she needs. Do the best you can and know that it's enough. Let her take accountability for her end of things...then let it go & find peace within. I hope & pray things will heal between you .Let us know how things go. Its a tough situation for a lot of people & its always helpful to learn from each others
experiences.
A moderator for Point of Return, had mentioned at one point that we are not to delve into our emotional issues while in withdrawal but what if the issue is triggering you at the present time?
I've thought a lot about this since my underlying issues were caused from emotional trauma. I was constantly dealing with emotional interaction items which put additional stress on me and affected my drug taper.
I want to share some of the things I've learned about dealing with these issues. However I do want to reiterate what the moderator said about how it is best dealing with our emotional trauma after withdrawal if you can help it. I am only referring to emotional triggers that come up during withdrawal and how to better cope with them.
1. See the emotional interaction item for what it truly is.
When I was in marriage counseling I learned that we generally are attracted to people that will trigger us. “The Boundary Book” by by Leslie Frewin. It's natures way of helping us deal with our childhood issues. And who says God doesn't have a sense of humor LOL! So when we see our interaction item has a learning opportunity instead of fearing it and letting it overcome us (sending us for that bottle of relax) then we can take the time to understand it and heal from it instead of letting it control us & overtake us.
2. Write about it and talk with others
As I was able to write about it and talk through the issue I was able to see my emotional interaction item for what it truly was. I have always been able to trace my trigger back to a childhood event or situation. When I am able to recognize where it is coming from it loses it's power over me. So instead of being reactive I can be assertive. I can choose to see and do things differently because my understanding has changed. Ask yourself why am I feeling this way? Where is it coming from? What can I do now? How can I better deal with it when it comes up again? How can I protect myself and still love those involved?
3. Get the help and support you need
Once you recognize your emotional interaction item and where it is coming from you can gently communicate your concern and need to those around you. You may need a third party to help with this one. A counselor can offer a lot of insight, support and protection. This is especially helpful if the person that is triggering is not respecting you or your boundaries. A friend or family member that can offer a listening ear can also be helpful.
4. Have compassion towards those triggering us
When we see that the other person who has triggered us may be hurting as bad or worse than us, it changes how we deal with the situation. Understanding that they are not triggering us on purpose can be very liberating. Sometimes they are just reacting to their own childhood trauma or our re-activeness. Stepping back as a third party observer instead of being a second party participator will stop the cycle. We can then choose to love instead of react.
5. Go into it with a different perspective.
Have a sense of gratitude that we are able to have the opportunity to work through these issues.
If we were to go into every relationship with this new perspective, I think of how much pain would be eliminated. Communicating, understanding and respecting each others triggers with an understanding on how to better ease each others triggers rather than perpetuating them would make life a lot happier for everyone. So next time an emotional interaction item pops up in your face and you feel the anxiety coming on remind yourself that this is an opportunity to learn and grow and move past it. I kept going through the same situations over and over again and also had to keep dealing with the pain. Once I finally wrote about it and worked through it I could finally eliminate it. My kids triggered me this week ( I think God puts us in families so we have to get past these issues ha ha....I'm sure He's up there with a big bag of popcorn getting a kick out of us LOL!) and it really made me stop and have to deal with it. I wrote about it and wouldn't you know I was able to trace it back to my childhood. I called my mom and after talking to her I made a plan on how I was going to handle things differently since my love and logic tactics had failed me. I've noticed that once I work through an emotional interaction item or trigger I am able to cope so much better the next time it comes up. I come into the situation with knowledge and power over it instead of letting it have power over me.
I'm sure I have a long ways to go but at least I'm on the path heading in the right direction. I feel a lot more at peace and have far less interaction items coming up since I've been able to work past so many of them. My thinking is that if these things are staring us in the face we might as well deal with them instead of hurt from them. And let us resolve to let these opportunities heal us instead of take away our healing.
Happy healing everyone!!!
Following are some of the edited questions and answers. I could not copy all responses to due to confidentiality.
Does this mean that these people who trigger us are not people who we are truly meant to be in a relationship with, rather than people who we will be attracted to continuously (and erroneously) until we "learn our lesson"?
Wow! That is a great question. I think it depends on the circumstances. I think it could go either way. I believe anything can be worked out as long as there is lots of love & respect in the relationship. Sometimes people can find themselves in an unhealthy situation & its better to end it. I think its most important to always stay authentic & be true to your heart. Further more. I think as we become more aware of what is going on we can always make better choices whether it be a new relationship or an old one.
Right now my trigger is my mother-in-law. Any ideas on how to deal with that?
Well I moved 5 hrs from mine & it worked like a charm LOL! My ex mother-in-law was very controlling so I understand how hard it must be to be around the drama. I know I would not have been able to handle her during withdrawal. I had a few issues when she came into town...meltdowns but other than that I've been fine. There are certain topics I just don't go there with her.. I try to focus on what's going on with her & the family & steer the conversation to the positive. Its best to avoid those soft spots if at all possible. My friend had a meltdown the other day & was being irrational. She said somethings I could've really taken personally but I knew it had nothing to do with me. She was tired, and had just been traumatized by a friend. I knew she had just been triggered & needed to vent. In the past I would've really taken it to heart. So I completely detached myself emotionally from the situation, let her have her little fit, offered support and let it go. If I had been reactive it probably would've destroyed our friendship. But the next morning there was peace between us I would suggest praying for her & for the inspiration to know what to do to offer love and support in the way she needs. Do the best you can and know that it's enough. Let her take accountability for her end of things...then let it go & find peace within. I hope & pray things will heal between you .Let us know how things go. Its a tough situation for a lot of people & its always helpful to learn from each others
experiences.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)