Three weeks from when I started on my medications I moved five hours away from all my immediate family and my comfort zone (my home). I was agoraphobic and was not completely regulated on my meds. I was terrified having been drugged to get from one location to the other and awakened in a strange town where I knew noone. I still suffered from severe anxiety and relied on a few tools I had learned in counseling and my Ativan. I began seeing a new counselor. But this counselor was much different than any of the five counselors I had been to. Of course each counselor brought me closer to healing but I always found myself never really truly getting to the bottom of my problems. I would get so far and move on.
My first day in therapy was over the phone. I was so scared of driving I couldn't even make it to the first several appointments. The first assignment he gave me was to; Get some colored markers and construction paper.
He said that when you feel anxiety at any time that I needed to draw what I feel. It could be a picture, words, phrases, situations etc. He said to get my kids involved with coloring and they would just think it was a bunch of fun and games.
I purchased my markers, paper, and a thick notebook. The first time I took his advise was when my family and I were driving in the car a few blocks away from my home (this was very difficult for me) I felt a huge surge of anxiety and was near panic. I was hot, away from my comfort zone, and my meds were not working very well. So I grabbed my notebook and a red marker and scribbled and huge mass of emotions. I calmed down immediately. It really worked. My 7 year old son piped up from the back seat, "Mom, that's not a drawing, that's just scribble." I said, "I know, but it's how I feel". The next time I felt anxiety in the car it was not as strong so I began to scribble less and less. I began asking myself, as my counselor asked me, what is behind the anxiety? Why am I feeling this way? I began drawing traumatic car accidents I had been in, childhood and other traumas surfaced, within two weeks I had filled up this entire notebook of my life.
I felt calmer, my meds began to work better, I was able to drive without as much anxiety and over time I was able to get to my counselor who was a long drive away. I began driving around town with more ease and was even able to start grocery shopping and adding simple household chores such as dishes and one load of laundry a day. As long as I stuck to a simple routine and didn't over do it I, could keep most of my anxiety at bay.
Why did this technique take so much stress of my adrenals? My understanding of what my counselor said was that our right brain replays all of our traumatic events over and over. (That would explain the years and years of terrible unexplained anxiety that I felt and would cover up with excessive busyness.) He said that our right brains do not know the difference between what is real or perceived. For example if we watch a scary TV show our right brain excepts what it is viewing is real and dangerous and of course we go into fight and flight. We feel anxious or sometimes a little panicky. Our left brain is more logical and for some reason when we draw the traumatic event on paper it takes the event playing in our right brain and releases it. Our right brain no longer keeps it on instant replay.
When he told me this I could not believe my ears but I put it to the test myself and it really does work.
He suggested I draw my day five minutes before bed to help me wind down.
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